he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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