Yo dont text me then not text me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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