whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
