I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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