making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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