Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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