i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
