Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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