Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
