just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
