I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
