I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
