it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
