I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
