Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
