Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
