I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
