omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
