she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
