babies were throwing up all over the place
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
