this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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