Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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