I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
