uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
