did you get engaged???
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
