You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
