girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
