Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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