Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
