She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize