i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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