Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
