Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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