I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
