I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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