there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
