We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
