He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
