I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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