those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize