if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
