I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
