frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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