So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
