i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
