My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
