You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my shit smells like andre
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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