And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
