i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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