I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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