ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Everyone says I win the strip club
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
