We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
