Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
