I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
