Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
