I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
