Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize