I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
