I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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