conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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