well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
