After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
