maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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