I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
