uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
