things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
