sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
