Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
