you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
