He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
