Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am midnight drunk by noon
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
